Thursday, February 3, 2011

The light at the end of the tunnel just re-ignited the fire in my belly!


That's pretty much all I can say at this point... my head is SWIMMING with everything that's happened today.  I've just knocked two of my greatest 'start' fears on the head, and I feel AMAZING!!!!

You'd think today was going to be just like any other day - it certainly started out that way - but I had a very special appointment set up for midday that I knew would either make or break me...

Driving over to Orange for my appointment, I was a bundle of nerves. My hands were shaking and my palms were sweaty, and I had butterflies doing barn-dances in my tummy!   I'd always imagined this day wouldn't come - it was "too far away" - a pipedream that seemed too unrealistic and unattainable.  So, driving over, my thoughts were pounding through the temples in my head about what this means and what my 'reality' would be thereafter... 

It was my first meeting with a Plastic Surgeon - all my goals and all my reality now hinged on the advice of someone who had the capacity to help re-shape the body that I've been working SO hard to change.   All my irrational fears had surfaced this morning -
- What if he knocked me back and said there was nothing he could do? (unlikely)  
- What if my new health fund wouldn't approve my surgery? (unlikely) 
- What if what I wanted to do wasn't achievable? (unlikely!!!)

My hour meeting with the Surgeon was an amazing eye opener!  He talked me through my options, strategies to help me achieve the results I wanted.  We talked body-lift and thighs, arms, neck and back..  all the areas that carry the residual effects of having lost so much weight - that simply don't "snap back into place" when they've been stretched the way they have been...   We talked about the preparation of it all, the psych of being prepared for the recovery, and we talked about what I wanted in the end.  He showed me examples of his work, on bodies that weren't unlike my own... and gave me hope!

... and gave me nothing but praise for what I've achieved so far using the methods I have, and a great big thumbs up for pushing for more!

The weightloss was never going to be "just enough" - I always knew it extended beyond just the numbers on the scales.  My body is in ruins... and irrespective of how far I've come, no amount of exercise can fix what I can't tolerate looking at - the constant reminder that I used to negate and torture my body in ways I don't want to HAVE to remember on a daily basis.   The skin and scar tissue just makes me feel like I've never done enough, and surgery just means I can FINISH what I started!

I now have OPTIONS.   I feel like there IS a light at the end of this horrendously long tunnel, and it feels AMAZING!!!  

I now have GOALS.  Another 20 kilos, and I'm good to go!!   .. and I have a year to do it in!  My newly enlisted health-fund waiting time frame is void at the beginning of next year, I can continue to save up funding to go towards the surgery in the year, and 12 months and 20 kilos I CAN do (or bloody die trying!!!).

... and I'm now FEARLESS on what all this means for my Mission. I know what to expect, I know what I need to do, I know what I want... and I KNOW it's all possible.

My hope has been reignited - the fire in my belly is raging red hot right now!

... and rage it did!   As soon as I came home from Orange - SO pumped with this goal in mind - I walked into my nearest gym.

A GYM!!!!

One of my BIGGEST FEARS in this whole wretched weightloss thing has been walking into a gym... and I did it.  I got paraded around the building, we talked classes and machines, pools and trainers...  I talked about my mission - and was given another massive kudos from these super-fit PTs for what I've done so far - and was told "we want you here!!!"

... and the cherry on top today...

I just phoned in and booked my first personal training session for next week!  UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!

I may be 40% less the size I used to be, but I'm 150% MORE "ME" than I've ever been!!

I WILL DO THIS!   20 kilos...  bring it!!!



  1. My friend, I am so VERY VERY PROUD of you. Well done.

    And you will do this - just as I will do this.

    You're an absolute inspiration.

  2. ps. And you'll blow your PT away next week - going in with your level of fitness is something they're not use to. you're gonna love it!

  3. You are one amazing woman Aim! I have the biggest girlie crush on you! lol!

  4. F*CK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Tears in my eyes here, Amy. What a red letter day for you. xxx

  6. Oh My God Amy!! You are incredible!! What a massively HUGE day for you... You are on the fast slope to your goal now, lovely lady... and I am so excited for you :) I can't stop smiling right now I am just SO incredibly happy for you!!!! xxx

  7. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Thanks ladies, SO MUCH! Your support is invaluable, and I'm so grateful!!!

    xxx :) :) :)


  9. Hahahhaa... He's lovely!! Met him today, he 'sold' me into it (he's a freaking good salesman too dammit) - but he's full of beans, which is EXACTLY what I need - will bring that out in me when I'm about to die on the floor!!

    ... They had me at 'hello'... bahahaha!

  10. OMG AMY YOU'VE DONE IT TO ME AGAIN! I am sitting here CRYING. Tears of joy my sister!

    I am so frikn happy for you. I have a friend who underwent this surgery and she is looking SOOO HOOOTTTT!! She has never regretted it, not for a single day!

    You will love going to a Gym. I certainly did! You soon realise most people are working so hard they aren't looking at anyone else. The ones who are looking, well are dickheads mostly (must tell you story of singlet guy. At Gym every time my sister and I went. Never saw him lift A SINGLE weight. Did see him looking at himself in the mirror for hours!!!!)

    Having a PT is fantastic too. I love mine! In fact, I'm desperately trying to figure out how to keep mine up if I end up working again (I will find a way).

    WAY TO GO AMY!!!!

  11. Bahaha... yes, I was very picky about which gym I chose - but I've had my eye on them for a while now, but it was just 'time' - and the vibes I got off the place when I walked in, and talking to my PT (who is just lovely!) just sold me on it. Can only try...

    Opting in for a PT session to start with, he'll go through everything then... and go through goals and plans, etc... Then I'll probably get a 10-pass visit to really get into it, and see how much I like it... There's a pool and classes - both of which I'm really keen to use - and he made me feel really welcome - which was what sold me in the end!

    Gonna give it a try and see how it fits!!! :D

  12. I'm reading this with tears in my eyes. You sooooo deserve to go to the gym and blow them away with what you can do already and what your body can do that you're not aware of - yet.

    And yay to the plastic surgeon. He'll be able to help you step out of the bulky 'costume' that was hindering and hidnig the real you.

    I'm sitting here giving you a big fist pum - YAH!

  13. Awww thanks so much Kath, so very appreciated!!


  14. Yup, I got tears in my eyes, too. You're simply amazing!

    - Nanirei.

  15. hi amy! just wondering what gym u picked? it sounds like a good place, im a bathurst local and also joining the 12wbt at the start of next year! your blog absolutely AMAZES me!


  16. Hi Maryann! I'm a CityFit girl -

    You should come check it out - it's a great gym, the staff are just gorgeous!! Check out my Facebook page too, I usually announce when I'm doing laps of Mt Pan - AND there's a local group of 12wbt ladies! Come chat with us! :)