Friday, January 7, 2011

Aim to Change

So despite being the private girl that I am, I've decided that I actually DO have alot to say - albeit straight from the fingertips to the screen - and have initiated this Blog to keep me in check for the year ahead!

Starting weight:
188kgs Jan 2008
I've been on the mission of my life... literally.  Sitting at nearly 190kgs at my absolute heaviest just three years ago (Jan 2008) with no will to live or self-respect left, I somehow found it in me to give it one more shot to change - to find something (anything) that would break the downward spiral I seemed destined for, and let me breathe again... 

So much has changed in the three years following that sometimes I forget that it's ME whose taken back the control and changed the direction of my future entirely.  

It's not enough to go about my challenges on a day to day basis anymore (which it very much used to be - all I could do was one day at a time, one foot in front of the other) - now it's time to self-acknowledge what it is I've done, and gear myself up for the final phase of the mission - and all the crazy changes that lie thereafter! 

I started off the year with a 'recap' (below) that I posted on the weightloss forums that I'm part of (the tool that's supported me the way through this mission of mine) - to help me focus on my next set of goals, and somehow push it into my head just what I've overcome in a year (the previous two years were equally as powerful) - and in the process, it's given me the courage to bring this a little more public - as I've always been too ashamed to talk about my weight issues so 'publicly' outside of a dedicated (and safe) weightloss arena - and dispel some of the fear I've held onto for far too long. In doing that, it helps me continue to forge ahead, but may also give someone else the courage to face their own weightloss and life demons (which are still raw in my own head).

So, welcome to Aim to Change!  Here's to yet another amazing year of changes, and all the benefits and possibilities that lie beyond!  No hiding anymore... let's see what the universe has in store for me this year!!

-- Amy   xx   :)


Reflecting on 2010...

2010 has been a really trying year for me, but I thought I’d note down a bit of a ‘recap’ for myself, so I could acknowledge the things I HAVE achieved throughout it - then realised it was actually quite a victorious year after all!

There's lots of us out there that forget what we've done over the course of the year, or what obstacles we've actually overcome... sometimes taking a moment to reflect and acknowledge can actually be the catalyst for more motivation!  It's certainly reignited my drive to make this coming year equally as productive - so thought I'd share it with you, for those that need a bit of insight into their own!
Jan 2011 - 77 kilos lighter!

In total, off came another 22.1 kilos, bringing me to a closing total of 77kilos lost over the last three years, equalling 40% of my original bodyweight GONE!  NEVER thought in my wildest dreams I’d ever be able to report having lost the weight of the average female!!

I’m also celebrating 156 weeks of NO junky fast food takeaway at the close of my third year, and something I’m not at all interested in breaking anytime soon!   Even with the lack of structure with my last few weeks in Sydney with dad in hospital, and the takeaways being an ‘easy option’, I’d still find something more beneficial than a hit of Maccas or a side of KFC…!  

2010 has also been a really big year of change for me.  It’s taken a LONG time for me to be comfortable in my own skin, enough to brave ‘public’ exercise – but 2010 proved to be a big year for pushing those boundaries even further.  Walking in public in a singlet top – baring my arms to the world for the first time since I was a kid – HUGE moment of transition!  That’s now just part and parcel of my routine – singlet top exercise wear – and just last week, I bought a stack of new bright pink and blue ones in a size 16!!   (never did colour before neither… always black – the “hiding colour”). My normal clothes are now a size 16 top (with colour!) and a size 18-20 skirt (though, I'm finding that too big now too...!).  Yes, the body is out of proportion, but I couldn't care less - I'm still transitioning!!

2010 I discovered ZUMBA – where I bounce and jiggle and carry on with all the other crazy flailing arms and legs – and I’m totally hooked! NEVER been brave enough for a group class before in my life – always far too ashamed of my size – but it’s become such a joy to do, I’m kicking myself I didn’t do it sooner!!

I’ve also started running in public – RUNNING!  Well, it’s probably more of a slow paced waddly jog at the moment, but it’s something I’m working on!  The knees and I have come to an understanding that I’ll be doing these things irrespective of whether they like it or not, so if they play nice, I play nice too!!   Here’s to picking up the pace and going harder, faster and stronger in the near future!

This year also gave me a huge jolt to the health of my system – literally.  I went through a ‘toxic’ phase – which my naturopath put down to my extensive weight loss and the burden of toxins released from the fat cells.  (*may or may not be super accurate, so don’t take it as gospel or medicated advice!!).  My body was suffering major fatigue, dramatic hair loss, crazy dizzy spells and just an overall feeling of decline…    The hairloss and my increasing vanity sparked action on this one – and after working closely with my Naturopath, worked at overcoming these yucky health issues over the course of a few weeks.   Then I hit ANOTHER dreaded plateau….   (the third in three years)


I don’t have it documented, but all up I think I lost about 5 months from when my weird health issues started right through to about mid November when I seemed to have broken the up and down yo-yo of Plateau-land.  The final 3 months of that, I’d worked really hard with my Naturopath on all manner of things to break the bloody thing – but my plateau was proving to be as stubborn as me!!!!   Eventually had a breakthrough and a few consistent losses thereafter, and was really pleased to see my body and I were back on the same page again!

THEN December hit – and it was off to Sydney with my dad for his neurosurgery  (another hospital stint this year, has been a huge 12 months for him and a lot of stress for us…)  - and all the rigid structure of my previous few months of plateau-busting went right out the window….   I thought all my healthy eating and dedicated fitness routines might as well have counted for nothing - but ohhhh how wrong I was!!!   That structure has kept me pretty much on par - despite the blowouts over Christmas and not having access to better food choices all the time - opting for sporadic innovative exercise sessions when I could (like taking the stairs at the hospital, doing laps of the oval nearby, utilising the kids playground at the nearby school!)...  the small gain I clocked in this morning has got NOTHING on a month's worth of crazy - and I gratefully acknowledge my awesome established behaviours for that!!!

HOWEVER, the story doesn’t totally unravel at the end…!!! 

Look at me paddling!!

 A couple of weeks ago, in the thick of my hospital stay with dad, a gorgeous friend of mine whisked me off on the adventure of my life – an unexpected trip to Port Stephens for a few days before Christmas.   Broke through A LOT of my demons this few days – produced a whirlwind of changes for me!

Can she snorkel? Yes she can!!

 I went for a massive beach walk, kayaking, tobogganing, snorkelling and swimming in the ocean  - all these amazing PHYSICAL things I’d have NEVER done in my life ‘before’ my weightloss…  and all took me very much by surprise that I was capable of doing them!   (once I got over the initial fear..!!)

Added to that was the attention from this male friend of mine (who seemed to have no issue with my size or my warped body!) – which was a total shock to the system and totally unexpected…  and I seem to have walked away from this a totally different person.   Maybe living in this body isn't such a bad thing after all?!!! 

Was one of the most profound moments of my life – a huge transition year that was capped off with things that showed me I AM capable and deserving of all these awesome changes – and by god, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this person that I’m growing (yet shrinking) into!

SO having noted down all these amazing changes in 2010 – I’m starting 2011 in a VERY good mindset, ready to tackle the final phases of my mission.

Aiming for a solid 15 kilos loss by mid this year – and then I’m heading into the final chapter thereafter…   Looking at upping all my activities, joining a gym/getting a PT to really rev it up - and getting brutal on the food front.  I've always been pretty flexy with this whole thing - but this year, it's time to unleash the beast..!   Scary prospect, but I’ve overcome all my other hurdles this far, I’m armed and dangerous for whatever wants to get in my way now!  

Bring it on 2011 – I dare you!!!

Before and current progress shots - just so you can see what it is I've been doing for the past three years!! 


  1. Looking forward to following your journey - it's been a thrill to see how far you've got so far - can wait to see what the year brings you. Pand

  2. You are just awesome, Aim. You're looking fantastic and sounding so positive. It's so nice to see :D

  3. From someone who has watched you from afar over the whole journey, your an inspiration xx I cant wait until you reach goal

  4. Awww thanks so much Mel - appreciated lovely! xx :)

  5. I'm so glad you started this blog Amy! I felt really sad to end my time on the weight loss forum and feel as though I wouldn't see your progress and ultimately reaching your goal... now I can keep updated and inspired :) Great start... you should have done this years ago! x

  6. This is absolutely wonderful babe!! :)
    from going to Zumba together, to going out, dancing it up on the dancefloor, I am forever behind you 100%.
    This almost made me cry. You are truely an inspiration. :) And i am so proud of you!! xx

  7. Awwwwww lovelies!! Making me all warm and fuzzy...!!! xxx xxx

  8. Good on you Amy, you have really achieved something that a lot of people can't and that is 1 loving yourself, and the 2nd and main 1 is taking control of your life,insted of it controlling you, with outstanding results I might add. Well done
    Aunty Lee

  9. Amy you are an amazing woman and have been a true inspiration to me for the past year, even though I don't often take part in the (other) forums, I read them avidly.
    Here's to a fantastic 2011 for all of us.

  10. Amy, I LOVE your work! Just brilliant realisations for you my dear, hard fought and thoroughly well deserved. Brilliant idea to document it like this - allows accountability for you if you wish, but allows people in a bit too, and that's another of your major barriers that you have now broken down. I'm extremely proud of you and will be following you here once my time with the website comes to a close at the end of this month.

  11. Awwww you guys are SO lovely! Thank you! xxx

  12. oh wow, I just found your blog via the forums and have been reading it. You really are amazing! What an achievement! I'll be following along for the rest of the journey :)

  13. I have been struggling with my weight for years and with 40 kilos to lose i always thought it was too hard, but seeing you having stuck with it for three years and you having lost nearly twice what i want to lose, you have shown me that i am still just trying to make excuses. You are my light and i thank you for giving us all the encouragement we need to beat our "fat demons"

  14. Awwww thank you lovely - very much appreciated! (just what I needed to hear too!!) xx :)

  15. WOW!!! i have recently joined the biggest loser club and happened to come across your blog.. and WOW is all i can say!!!! haha!! you have got to be one of the most inspirational people i have ever come across! your attitude to life is amazing and i wish my attitude was a little more like yours! Keep up the good work!!!!

  16. It is obviously my day for finding blogs which make me cry. Congratulations, you have done so well and are an inspiration. Hugs

  17. Hey Amy - you are an inspiration. Well done and congratulations; I admire your tenacity. I'm having another crack at losing weight too, and part of my accountability is writing a blog.
    Cheers, and see you in cyberspace!

  18. Thank you!! So very appreciated! :)

  19. You are one amazing woman Aim! You are looking totally fabulous and I must say it is an honour to say that I know you. I have been watching you from cyber space and you are truly inspirational - you are going to go far
    Tracey B

  20. Reading this is amazing. But I'm so shocked to read that 3 years after you started your weight loss plan that you're planning on joining a gym. Does that mean, you've come this far without the assistance of a trainer or someone yelling exercises at you? Kudos to you!

  21. Awwww thank you SO MUCH ladies! Always appreciated! xxx

    ... and yes, three years later, and it's only now that I've started to hit the gym! Pump was my first class just four weeks ago (once a week) - but it's all about to change again SOON!!

  22. Congratulations Amy. Found you through Tracey.

    Try Body Combat. I love it! I only have a couple of kilos to go to get to my goal weight. You've inspired to try harder.

    Jane x

  23. Wow Amy.... That is truly inspirational... Massive congrats to you on this journey...Its extremely hard to lose the weight, but its funny... most people get that 'lightbulb' moment, where even though they know they are overweight, they do nothing, but when that 'moment' comes.. There is no stopping you. Well, that is what I have found on my weightloss journey... I too had lost 45 kilos on my own, with not much exercise, plus being a single mum working 6 days a week. Ive only just recently joined the gym, and feelin so much better about it... The strength and pride that you must feel within yourself would blow your mind... You KNOW that you can achieve anything you want know, and I know that your self esteem must be skyrocketing and you are starting to love yourself more and more... WELL DONE Gorgeous.. Keep it up!!!! :)

  24. Amy, you are beautiful.
    I wish you all the strength, love, energy and determination you need each and every day. And thank you so much for sharing your very 'real' journey with us. Don't let the negators get their claws in too much.
    I'll say it again - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
    Mikaela :)

  25. Amy, you really are an amazing inspiration!