Thursday, April 7, 2011

Cue: Public Criticism, take one!

SO, I KNEW I was going to cop scrutiny at some point - hell, I've copped it my entire life anyway, so I thought I was a little more prepared for it than I actually was...   but it was just the cherry on top of a few very emotional days (alot of transitioning of late), and did a nice wad of damage in the process... 

I'm still a work in progress - nothing perfect about what I'm doing or who I am (nor do I think of myself like that, certainly don't think I deserve to be up on some crazy pedestal or that the sun shine's out my butt!) and I certainly haven't finished my OWN mission here, so there's plenty of improvement to be made!!  I don't proclaim to be "all encompassing" and without failure or stuff ups (we all do it - make a mistake, hurt someone, say something stupid, have a negative impact on someone, regret an action, etc etc)...  and at the end of the day, if I'm that NON-perfect, then I have to forgive others for being the same, right?!  
BUT in such a VERY open public forum, there's always someone whose got to throw in the negative commentary on ANYTHING (and really, it IS anything these days... they can't help themselves!)  It's one thing to have things said in an enclosed environment, but an entirely different thing on a wider public scale.

I don't negate that people have their right to an opinion - EVERYONE has an opinion and ofcourse there's always going to be scrutiny in ANYTHING...  but you need only look at ANY of these public sites and see the amount of nasty, idealistic or just plain brash commentary that goes on...  People will criticise ANYONE given half the chance.  No surprise then that I was going to bear some of it myself, now that I'm out of 'hiding'...!! 

It just bites big time when you're criticised as not being 'real' - that what I've been through in the past and have voiced now (as part of my healing and reason behind my transitioning) is somehow me 'bragging' and pretending I know everything...    The psych side of this weightloss business is intense - at the best of times - and why I've taken a great deal of time in fostering a positive, safe environment for myself (it's not selfish to need to step back when necessary) - I'm STILL fighting years of debilitating self-doubt and lack of worth, and STILL fighting to get through these insanely huge goals that I have... 

Only reason I even went public this year (after three years of it being in secret) was to help others find their own inner-courage to stand up and fight for themselves...   I didn't do it for spotlights and public adoration (as some like to think) - hell, why would ANYONE put themselves 'out there' to be publicly ridiculed and scrutinised like that on purpose?!!   That's the kind of crud that sent me to hell and back years ago anyway... why on earth would I want to do that to myself again?!!!  Yuck...  

I AM a real person, not a trained 'celebrity', and the fact that I've shared my trials and tribulations the way I have isn't for 'self prosperity' (the bank balance can certainly tell you the reality of that one - my work has taken a beating of late to accommodate all these other weightloss ventures - and "good karma" just doesn't extend to paying the rent these days!!)...      

I'm not sitting here preening myself, pretending "I'm all that" just cuz I've lost some kilos.   No, I'm writing 'real experience' blogs and putting my life out there as a 'storyboard' so someone else can jump off and create their own success...  

I'm responding to emails and messages (ALOT of them) - trying to help people find their own courage and motivation - and the more this goes public, the more of them are filtering in...  I'm reading messages filled with heartfelt pleas and pain (so much sorrow, it breaks my heart), and I FEEL IT right there with them, because I KNOW... I've lived it, I continue to live it, and I'm trying my damndest to fix it still too...  and I feel COMPELLED to help - to encourage and support, and reignite their fire so they can step up and try...  and I've responded to anyone who asks, whenever I've had the capacity left to do just that...

I put myself 'out there' so I could help more people than just the circle within the forums (because the BLC forums are a unique, safe-haven of likeminded people who continually help each other - it's a huge forum of support and healing) - but I wanted to take it on a wider scale, for those who don't have that - help people find their own proactive approach and have that 'trickle effect' that impacts not only them, but their family and friends too...   I WANT people to be happy and enlivened and excited by the prospect that THIS IS POSSIBLE and VERY REAL  - *I* am very real and what I've done isn't isolated to just me!  It's right there for the taking for anyone willing to put in the work...  

So I was pretty shattered last night with the thought that I was an 'imposter' trying to just help myself by being so "loud" on the subject...  and what made me even more upset was that I let one person have such a negative impact, when I've had 99% positive support and SO many more messages of encouragement outside of that.   One person's opinion shouldn't be the reason I back down or give up - it shouldn't impact me in a way that would have me turn people away when they ask for help - and it sure as hell shouldn't negate all the value I've taken so many years of trying to build up from nothing, in one messy, misdirected message! 

I let it upset me (that's on ME) - it broke my heart (again, I let that happen) - I had a big cry and felt sorry for myself and 'bruised' for a while (and again, letting it win)...   and then I'd had enough.   A gorgeous friend sat me down last night, Skyped me a vent session with a shoulder AND the edge of reason - and helped ME reignite the drive within...  Then I got sent to bed!!! Exhaustion on a physical AND mental level will ALWAYS impact your rationalisation!!!! 

SO today, a new day, I busted out a PT session, a cross trainer session AND a swim session conclusively...  because I REFUSE to let the negatives (or "negators") win, and positive action promotes positive mind.  I didn't bust my arse for three years, fighting to salvage my life for no reason - and I will no longer tolerate criticism undermining my self-rehabilitation or my ability to help people to help themselves... 

First hit stings like a bitch.  It did its damage...  but it didn't win... 

.. and I have those 99% of amazing supporters to thank for that!   <3


xx   :) 



  1. Wow! What you say is just so spot on. I know I have gone through some serious self doubt stuff lately, and I have spoken to a friend (who herself has lost an amazing 70+ kg, and we heap praise on people all the time, yet forget that sometimes all that praise can make it harder, set up expectations etc. But keep on Amy, you are simply amazing, you have inspired me to start my own blog (if i can finish this uni assignment some time soon between work and the gym!). These people are a..holes, but take something from it, take it as the challenge it is and use its negativity as a source of strength. You are doing great girl 8-)

  2. Hi Amy-
    Just wanted to let you know that some people out there just like to make other people feel bad because they have nothing better to do or they're just plain mean. Whatever happened to "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? My mom always use to tell me I had a soft heart because the smallest thing would set me to tears, whether it was generally directed at me or not. So I know if I were in your shoes, it would have knocked me down and out. You're not only an inspiration to people who read your posts here and at the BLC, but I'm sure you're an inspiration to those your story was passed on to. So one big ol' meanie poopy head should not be worth your tears, because you have so many people behind you! Good on you for getting back up there and being the bigger person in the situation.

  3. Amy you are amazing and you just remember those 99% of people who love you and who are so amazed by what you have gone through and who are now cheering you on to the finish line and have supported you through this journey .. do NOT let those negative people win ever .. they are just jealous of you because you are beautiful inside AND out xox

  4. Hey sweety I'm glad you were able to have a cry and had a shoulder to lean on. Some people can be so mean. I think it's jealousy, because you have got off your arse and helped yourself and they're too lazy to do it.

    I've probably told you more than a million times in the last 2 years how awesome you are and how much you inspire me. Because of this challenge I too have got off my arse and eating better, ok eating better is probably not the best way to put it as I don't eat crap anymore. But with your recipes and the photos you have given me inspiration to try different things. I've gone from battling to lose 100gms a week to losing 1.4kgs in 2 weeks. BECAUSE OF YOU.... I love you Amy.

  5. Taking care of YOU is the most important thing you can do!

    Do not let the naysayers get you down and certainly don't let them have power over you.

    You are an incredible, bright, caring,intelligent, beautiful (inside & out) woman that I am so proud to know.

    You may think you're a work in progress but I think you're already a masterpiece.


  6. Tub Thumping by Chumbawumba (I get knocked down, but I get up again)has got to be your theme song Amy. You're so much more valuable as a person than your detractor thinks.

  7. Some people can only make themselves feel better by putting others down. Definately an envious person that one!!
    I am Soooo glad that you took the hit and then let it pass by... to keep on pressing on!! You have not only come so far for yourself but you are such an inspiration to others too.. You CAN'T let some jealous B@#ch's envious comments (not that I have been able to read them yet!! LOL) deter you!!
    Onwards and upwards (or downwards as the case may be!!)
    Love ya!

  8. Hey Amy, I hear and applaud you. Well, done for getting through and thanks to your friend who offered the shoulder (diamonds).
    Bullies who think they're big are really small minded trying to appear big.
    I have read so many of your blogs, etc, and can relate to them. It's these that inspire one to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
    Thank you for opening your life and your heart. You ARE inspiring and you DESERVE the best.
    I am not only following your journey but feel I am bringing up the rear as I am starting out.
    Keep going - YOU'RE WORTH IT!!!!!
    Congrats on your comeback today - I need to try this out.
    Love Cazz71

  9. Amy.
    Don't listen to the hater's. If we did, we would never achieve anything we dreamed or desired........

  10. Thank you lovelies!! You're beautiful!!

    xx :)

  11. It seems to make some people feel better about themselves trying to pull others down to their emotional size. And unfortunately it is much easier to believe those crap mongers than the people who are applauding you. Why I don't know, but it is.
    Congratulations on being able to rise above it.

  12. Tall Poppy Syndrome is alive and well in our fair western culture. For so many decads it has been bred into children at school and then bred into the family life at home. For the first time in so many years Children and being taught to admire and respect their peers who do well, they are breaking societies unspoken rules and congradulating and looking up to their peers who do well. Those who cut tall poppies down usually do it for the same reason one kid pokes another with a stick - to make themselves feel better. Love yourself for what you have done Amy, love it for you and for nobody else and be PROUD! Sometimes it is hard when you have that negativity around you, but that is coming from those who are emotionally insecure and inept! I have never met you but I am dam proud of you as a Woman, someone who has gone through dark times and struggles and as a Human Being! This world needs more of you in it!

  13. Hi Amy well done on your progress so far. OMG its just an awesome inspirational journey. Don't let those twits pull you down. On my weight loss journey last year I let someone bring me down and try to sabotage my weight loss effort. It was my best friend and it took me a long time to openly admit that it hurt my feelings with her comments and realised where she really stood in my life. These other people (& I have read the FB posts) are just jealous. Some women get downright jealous of others that are achieving what they can't. You are an inspiration to get me back on track and lose that last 20kgs Ive got to lose. xxx Felicity